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最終更新日 : 2012/01/29 (Sun) 10:09
最終更新日 : 2012/01/29 (Sun) 10:09
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I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
After every \'victory\' you have more enemies.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
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Maybe this world is another planet\'s Hell.
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Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
I\'m fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said \'You\'ve been promoted\'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said \'You\'ve been promoted again\'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said \'You\'re managing director.\' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said \'What happened to you?\' And I Said \'I careered off the road.\'
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
Lohr\'s Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ? and better tools.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
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If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels?!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
\'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible\', she said, \'but that alone doesn\'t make it true.\'
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Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
When I die I\'m going to leave my body to science fiction.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
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In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren\'t, then I\'d be a teacher.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
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If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
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People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
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If women didn\'t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren\'t, then I\'d be a teacher.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I\'ve never tried before.
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The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
The nice thing about egotists is that they don\'t talk about other people.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man\'s nose begins.
A man\'s only as old as the woman he feels.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
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When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, \'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don\'t believe?
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
I have an existential map; it has \'you are here\' written all over it.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
I\'m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
If it wasn\'t for lawyers, we wouldn\'t need them.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
It\'s clearly a budget. It\'s got a lot of numbers in it.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
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In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
Don\'t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they\'re eating sandwiches.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
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When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That\'s where we come in; we\'re computer professionals. We cause accidents.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
A good sermon should be like a woman\'s skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
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USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn\'t speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you\'ll be afraid to cough.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
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Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
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When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I\'m not mad.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
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Lohr\'s Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ? and better tools.
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Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
I don\'t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
We didn\'t lose the game; we just ran out of time.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
Build a man a fire, and he\'ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he\'ll be warm for the rest of his life.
I\'m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn\'t cure.
Why don\'t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
I\'m desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
After I\'m dead I\'d rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
You got to be careful if you don\'t know where you\'re going, because you might not get there.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
If you haven\'t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You\'d be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
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The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
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When I am dead, I hope it may be said: \'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn\'t it.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
If you can\'t get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you\'d best teach it to dance.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don\'t seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
Anyone who starts a sentence, \'With all due respect ...\' is about to insult you.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
Marry me and I\'ll never look at another horse!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
It\'s impossible to experience one\'s death objectively and still carry a tune.
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